At 3:00 a.m. my alarm goes off. I hit the snooze a couple of times before reluctantly dragging my ass out of bed. I throw on some clothes, brush the teeth, and put the hair in ponytails. Call me ready to go.
We pull into the Kohl's parking lot at about 5 til 4:00. Half of Memphis has arrived before us. The line snakes half-way around the building. There are Kohl's employees outside helping shoppers plan their strategies, i.e. Shopper: "Where are the mp3 players?" Kohl rep: "Go straight to the back of the store." Shopper: "Where are those down throws?" Kohl rep: "Turn left and they're about half-way back in the bedding area." Seriously.
Jenna and I split up immediately. She's racing to the mp3 players. I'm looking for cheap cashmere. Priorities.
I am dissapointed to note that the "cashmere blend" socks are 5% cashmere. But, hey, they're soft and 5 bucks for two, so I get them anyway. Next stop, cashmere sweaters. I snag three cardigans (black, purple, and aqua) for $34.99 each. Whee!! I grab some taupe suede ballet flats ($15), which I ultimately reject after carting them around the store for a while. Then I swoop in on the cute pink purse I saw in the flyer, and I'm done. I run into Jenna who is dragging around a very large Kohl's mesh bag filled with mp3 players, a portable DVD player, games, clothes, and who knows what all. Eventually, we make it to the back of the line, which is conveniently at the very back of the store. There are two lines actually. Each is equally long. We note the time: 5:05. Jenna continues to shop as I kick her bag forward while trying to balance my various purchases. Whenever she returns to the line for a few moments, she commences to chat with the folks around us. (Need I say these are women folks?) She's like our mom that way. She'll strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. Me, I zone out. I should add that she sits at any given opportunity. Her favorite part of the line was when we were in the bedding department.
If this is sounding pretty boring, that's because it was. I believe this is the longest line I've ever waited in that didn't have a ride at the end. As we were edging toward the front of the store, someone passed a box of doughnuts forward. Sadly, they were not Krispy Kreme, so I passed. Though I did appreciate the gesture. Even in Seattle, people are unlikely to hand out free doughnuts to strangers. Ah, the humanity. I should also add that this was the first time I had ever seen a whole mess of Southern women sans makeup. This just doesn't happen. However, I was even more floored by the fact that some women were in FULL makeup (and hair) at 4:00 a.m. Scary.
We finally made it out of Kohl's around 6:30. (Yep, that's an hour and a half in line.) So we promptly headed over to Target. We were due home at 8:00 so Jenna's husband could go to work. After Jenna almost ran over people angling for a parking space, we went in only to discover that Target also had a mega line. We followed the line around the store trying to gauge whether or not we could make it out in time. We made it to the back of the store and kept going and going (like the energizer bunny) but we never did see the end of the line. Needless to say, we bailed.
I can't recall too much of the rest of the day. It involved several naps. And leftovers. Lots of leftovers.
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