stella!!!!

my mother is driving me crazy. i'm sure this is not news, but here is the latest in her campaign to send me to the nuthouse.
first, some background. years ago we rented this movie called stella starring bette midler. i honestly don't remember too much about it except that there was this one part where she was dressed in a brightly-colored flashy outfit and we said, she looks just like patsy (my sister-in-law's mother)! because she acted really flamboyant like patsy did, too. come to think of it, patsy would have fit in really well at a pride parade, if only she'd been a man. but i digress. anyhow, mom said she wanted to see that movie again, so i put it on their netflix queue.

well she calls me up saying she watched stella but it is not the same movie we watched before. i say, yes it is. it had bette midler in it, didn't it? she says, yes, but she only dressed up like patsy one time, and i remember when we watched it before she dressed that way all through the movie and she went swishing around on the boardwalk. (much emphasis on the word "swishing.") i say, i remember her being dressed up once, but i don't think she dressed like that all through the movie, and i don't recall anything about swishing around on a boardwalk. i think you have this mixed up in your mind with another movie.
she says, no! because the stella we watched last night was a movie i had never seen before. she says, maybe there are two movies named stella with bette midler and this was the wrong one. can you look it up?

i pull up imdb.com, all the while telling her that there are NOT two movies named stella starring bette midler. i get a list of all the movies named stella (suprisingly there are quite a few. popular name.) and go through eliminating them based on the years they were made (the ones before 1968: too early, the ones after 1999: too late, the one in 1982: east german). we were left with only one stella starring bette midler.

so my mom says, the name of the movie we watched must not have been stella. it must have been something else. i told her, when you think of whatever it is, let me know, and i will add it to netflix.

i am not holding my breath.